England’s victory over Mexico should be cause for celebration, but of course, the story takes a bizarre turn when a player ends up hospitalized due to a freak accident during the postgame festivities. This is the perfect opportunity for the lamestream media—looking at you, CNN and the BBC—to feign concern while gleefully sensationalizing a freak incident into a full-on panic narrative.

Instead of focusing on the strategic brilliance of the match or the team’s determination, networks will milk this incident for all it’s worth. What was once a jubilant postgame atmosphere now becomes a dreary cautionary tale about the “dangers of celebration.” You just know that social responsibility warriors on platforms like MSNBC will trot out safety experts, critiquing every move the players make like they’ve suddenly graduated from their armchair jobs to the role of NFL referees.

Meanwhile, Fox News might take a different angle, whipping up the “are athletes too reckless?” debate, framing it as a broader moral failing. In both cases, they’re voting for outrage over common sense. When will corporate media understand that genuine sports narratives—victories, teamwork, cultural significance—are far more compelling than narratives twisted through a lens of injury and drama?

Unfortunately, this represents what we see all too often: the distortion and fearmongering that plague our media landscape. Instead of celebrating success, they choose to throw a cloud over it, creating a whirlwind of unnecessary hysteria. Let the players celebrate, and let’s not drown their moment in sensationalism!